


'Tis The Season To Be Plotting

by shrill_fangirl_screaming



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, All Human AU, M/M, No Magic AU, Non-power AU, everyone ships malec and no one has a shred of guilt, gratuitous POV shifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8721181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrill_fangirl_screaming/pseuds/shrill_fangirl_screaming
Summary: The Lightwood siblings scheme to get Alec a boyfriend for Christmas.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for jigglypluff on tumblr, who requested kids shipping malec and third parties scheming to get them together. enjoy!

“Come on, Max,” Izzy called, touching up her lipstick in the mirror. “It’s time to go.”

Max scrambled down the stairs, dance bag slung over his shoulder and shoes in his hands. “Coming, Izzy!”

Izzy ruffled his hair and led her little brother out to the car. Snow was swirling around- just enough for a dusting, not enough to cause any problems. “You looking forward for dance class, munchkin?”

Max nodded. “Can Alec pick me up?”

“What, are you too good for your big sister?” Izzy asked.

“No,” Max said, shaking his head. “I just want Alec to pick me up today, is that okay?”

Izzy frowned. “Max, unless you have a good reason, I’m going to pick you up- it’s my job?”

Max sighed deeply, like Izzy was the greatest inconvenience a boy could ask for in a sister. “Fine.”

“Now I’m curious,” Izzy said, reaching over to poke her little brother’s shoulder. “Come on, Maxie, tell me!”

He just sighed again. “Brat,” Izzy said affectionately.

Now, Max was not a child prone to fits of moodiness. Could he be a pain in the ass? Yes, but that was mostly due to the destructive boredom-born curiosity of a very intelligent child. This sort of willful brattiness was a sign of puberty to come, and Izzy was Not Having It. Almost enough to make Alec come pick Max up, but then she’d be rewarding that kind of behavior, and no. So much no.

So Izzy drove Max to his dance lesson in quiet, letting him stew on whatever was bugging him. He scampered off to the studio immediately as Izzy went to deal with the sign-in.

She frowned at the clipboard. “I’m sorry, this is a mistake- my brother Max Lightwood is here for dance lessons with Hodge Starkweather?”

The receptionist frowned. “Hodge has left our organization, ma’am, the 7pm session is now being taught by Magnus Bane. I think they sent a letter home to the parents…?”

“Mom must have forgotten to mention it,” Izzy replied. “Sorry for the mix-up.”

“No problem.”

Izzy signed Max in and went to check on him, idly wondering if maybe the new teacher was a problem, and Max wanted his big brother to deal with it. The idea was half-formed and poorly thought through when she saw the studio.

A gaggle of preteens were chattering amongst themselves as they stretched and warmed up, but her little brother was talking earnestly with a _very_ good-looking young man in a tank top and dance pants.

“Max?” she asked.

Max scowled at her. The young man- presumably the instructor, Magnus- looked over at Izzy and smiled. “You must be Max’s big sister Isabelle. Lovely to meet you. I’ve heard quite a bit about you from your brother- he hardly ever stops talking about you and Alec.”

“That’s not true,” Max protested.

Magnus smiled and ruffled Max’s hair. “You’re right, it’s mostly just Alec. How smart Alec is, how good he is at multiplication, how his apartment is more fun than the house…”

That was when Izzy put two and two together.

“Max,” Izzy said. “I’m going to talk to you. Just for a minute.”

“Fine,” Max replied.

Izzy dragged him off by the arm and crouched down to get on his level. “Are you trying to set Alec up with your new dance teacher?”

Max slumped a little bit. “Yes.”

“Are you sure this dance teacher likes boys the way Alec likes boys?” Izzy asked.

“Yes,” Max replied. “He mentioned that he had an ex-boyfriend.”

A wicked smile stretched across Izzy’s face. “Little brother, you could have just _asked_ me,” she said. “I’ll be happy to help.”

Max grinned, and Izzy felt him snap right back into his usual sunny disposition. “Thanks, Izzy, you’re the best,” he said, squeezing her waist into a tight hug.

“I know,” she replied.

 

“Izzy, I’m really busy here with work,” Alec said over the phone.

Izzy sighed. “Idris works you too hard.”

“Yeah, well,” she heard a mechanized sigh. “My plan for tonight was working in front of the TV with leftover Chinese from Luke’s place, so I _could_ get Max, but this work really does need to get done, and-“

Izzy clucked her tongue and sent a message to Clary on her laptop: _hey girl can you manufacture a crisis that needs my immediate attention thanks kisses_

The reply came almost immediately. _Of course! Who are we plotting against?_

“Yeah, Clary has this whole thing- I only caught part of the story, but she really needs me right now and so I think you’re going to have to pick up Max.” _I’m playing matchmaker with Alec and Max’s new dance teacher_.

Alec sighed into the phone, like Izzy was a colossal inconvenience. Brothers, Izzy thought to herself, really didn’t understand when you were trying to do a good thing for them. Ingrates. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Thanks, you’re the best, love you, bye!” Izzy cooed into the phone, then hung up. Clary replied, _just told Jace you’re helping me with my bio before a midterm next week <3 it pays to have a forensic scientist in the family_

_You are THE BEST_. Scheming done, Izzy sat back on her bed and queued up the next episode on Netflix. She’d earned it.

 

Alec put exactly 1 unit of effort into his clothes before he left his apartment, and that was spent checking to see if he had pants on (he did). He regretted this about half a second after he walked into the dance studio, because there was an extremely good-looking half-naked man in there, and _oh fuck no_ , fuck no, Alec was not even remotely prepared for this, no, he was waiting for Max in the car.

 

And so the game began.

 

“Alec is adamantly refusing to pick Max up from dance ever again,” Izzy said, carefully applying another layer of red nail polish to Clary’s left thumb, “So the smart money says my idiot older brother walked into the dance studio, saw the teacher, and ran like hell. I love him, but honestly, Alec. Grow up.”

Clary shook her head over the folly of men. “Do we know this guy is into men?”

Izzy blew gently on Clary’s nails. “Max checked, sweet boy. Magnus mentioned an ex-boyfriend.”

“Wait, Magnus?” Clary asked.

“Yeah, the guy’s name is Magnus Bane. It sounds fake, like a stage name, but- what are you doing, you’re going to mess up your nails!”

Clary flapped an impatient hand at her friend as she carefully picked up her phone and began flipping through it. “Is…” Clary said slowly, drawing out the word as she messed with her phone, “Is this the guy?”

Izzy snatched up the phone. Sure enough, on it was a picture of Clary next to Max’s new cute dance teacher, making kissy faces at the camera. “What?”

“Magnus and I grew up near each other, we’ve been friends since I was little,” Clary said, carefully taking her phone back. “He mentioned he picked up a teaching gig on the side, but I didn’t realize he had Max. And now that I think about it, he and Alec would be _stupidly_ good together.”

“You’re talking to him about this,” Izzy ordered flatly. “You need to talk to him about this, and I will talk to Alec about it from my side, because fuck damn it this is _going to happen_.”

Clary blinked. “You’re kinda terrifying like this, you know that, right?”

Izzy frowned. “Clarissa, you think I get up and do my makeup like this and wear killer heels and don’t aspire to strike fear in the hearts of men?”

 

Clary swung by Magnus’s studio the next day, bearing coffee. No one turns you away if you bring them coffee.

“If it isn’t my dearest biscuit,” Magnus said, looking up from where he was stretching. “What brings you to my neck of the woods on a lovely Thursday afternoon?”

Clary handed him a coffee.

“Why am I being bribed?” Magnus asked.

She sat down on the ground next to him. He took a sip of his drink and continued stretching as she said, “So, Izzy and I had a girls’ night last night, like we do. I’ve told you that she’s got two to three brothers, depending on how you count, right?”

Magnus frowned. “Your boyfriend, a big one, and a little one, right?”

“And, if I told you the little one’s name is Max?” Clary asked. Nothing. “And the big one’s name is Alec?”

It took a second before recognition lit on Magnus’s face. “ _Max_. He kept calling her Isabelle instead of Izzy, and I never caught his last name.”

“You need to meet more of my friends.”

“You started dating her adopted brother two months ago. I was getting around to it,” Magnus said. “Two months is nothing. How did this come up?”

Clary sipped her own coffee. “Izzy and Max are trying to set you up with their brother Alec. We could be in-laws.”

Magnus laughed. “Max does talk about Alec a lot. That’s funny.”

“He’s cute, steadily employed, does archery as a hobby so his arms are, like, impressively ripped, and he’s all responsible and serious, if you’re into that,” Clary said.

“Oh God, Izzy and Max _and you_ are trying to set me up with Alec,” Magnus said.

Clary shrugged. “You’re single, he’s single-“

“Clarissa, being bisexual does not mean that I can date literally anyone who is single,” Magnus said with an air of long-suffering, “I still have standards.” Clary quirked an eyebrow. “They may not be high standards, but they’re my standards, and I haven’t even met this boy.”

Clary rolled her eyes. “I do know you a little bit, Magnus, and all I’m going to say is that he’s got blue eyes and black hair. Your favorite.” Magnus blinked. “You’re welcome,” she said.

“You’re lucky you brought coffee,” Magnus replied. “This isn’t going to go away, though, is it. I’m going to be fending off matchmakers left, right, and center?”

“We’re pretty much never letting this go, yeah,” Clary said with a grin.

 

So Magnus did what any self-respecting man would do when he got home, which was Facebook-stalk the shit out of Alec Lightwood.

“Oh, no,” Magnus said, looking at the profile picture- a handsome young man with the promised blue eyes and dark hair, beaming with one sibling tucked under each arm. Alexander Lightwood. Twenty-six. Employed by Idris, Inc. Following an _archery fan page_. “I should not have done this,” Magnus said to himself, clicking through Alec’s photos. “This was a mistake.”

Suddenly feeling creepy, Magnus x’d out of the browser window and shut his laptop, shoving it off his legs onto the sofa. Still, the smile on Alec’s face stuck with him a little. Maybe… maybe he wouldn’t fight this matchmaking. Not that hard, anyway.

 

Izzy was being suspiciously cool to Alec. Not that his sister wasn’t cool- he loved his sister, loved her to the very marrow in his bones, loved her so much his chest hurt sometimes when he thought about it too much- but he was her square older brother. She wasn’t normally cool to him.

“I’m a little suspicious at the moment,” Alec said, sipping his coffee that _Izzy had bought for him_ , of her own free will and volition.

She leaned back and sipped her obscene flavored-latte-with-like-eight-shots-of-espresso concoction. “I’m doing a nice thing for you, Alexander, it’s the holiday season. Joy to the world and all that.”

Alec considered for a moment, then shook his head again. “Nope, don’t trust it.”

“I am doing a nice thing and I am being insulted. Maybe this is why I don’t do nice things to you that often,” Izzy countered.

He gave up. He sipped his coffee and looked around the overcrowded coffee shop. It was all red and green, with bells and wreaths and menorahs as far as the eye could see. Christmas music blasted too loud to have a real conversation with Izzy, so Alec ended up people-watching as Izzy messed around with her phone. He watched the line grow and shrink as the tide of people ebbed and flowed, until he saw a bright red blaze of hair.

He frowned. That was Jace’s new-ish girlfriend Clary, and next to her was-

_Oh shit_.

As smoothly as possible, Alec set his drink down on the tiny table and ducked his head, hiding behind one of his hands. Peering through his fingers, he double-checked.

Nope, that was definitely Max’s new dance teacher, who Alec happened to see shirtless that one time, and whose face was burned into his memory as a result. He was fully-dressed now, and that was almost worse, with the tailored jacket and the silky-looking pants and fingers that glittered with rings, because he looked elegant and princely and Alec was sitting here like a mere mortal and nope, he still didn’t quite have the courage to make an actual verbal connection with this person. He knew Clary and Izzy were close (ish), and he couldn’t risk them coming over. Nope. Not today.

“Alec?” Izzy said calmly, arching an eyebrow at him. “Is something the matter?”

“We need to go, right now, immediately,” Alec said, standing up and grabbing his coffee. “Come on, Izzy.”

Without regret or hesitation, Alec booked it away from the coffee shop.

 

Magnus quickly sidestepped to get out of the way of the guy barreling full-speed out of the Starbucks. He turned to shout something at him before noticing hey, that’s Alec Lightwood, and promptly getting tongue-tied.

“So this is still a thing?” he asked Clary.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Drinks are on you.”

Izzy, following her brother with an armful of jacket, stopped to smile at Magnus and lean in for a hug from Clary. “Hey.”

Clary smiled. “Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here?”

“You are a terrible actress,” Magnus noted.

Clary smacked him without even looking over. Izzy smiled. “It’s always nice to see you Clary, Magnus, but my brother left in a right hurry. You know my brother, right, Magnus? Tall, dark hair, does archery in his spare time?”

“I have heard of him,” Magnus said. “From Max. And Clary. You all are not subtle.”

“Uh-huh,” Izzy said. “Anyway, Clary, I love to see you, we should meet up again sometime, but I have to run. Kisses!”

Izzy ran out of the coffee shop in a swirl of scarf and coat and chaos.

“Is this really your plan, biscuit?” Magnus asked Clary.

Clary smiled. “This is really our _first_ plan.”

Oh, sweet Jesus.

 

As the baby of the family, Max Lightwood hated being patronized and loved being right. Being right was the best feeling in the world, and he was _right about this_. He knew Mom and Dad weren’t huge fans of Alec liking boys instead of girls, but they’d like Magnus. Magnus had cool hair, like Jace, and he could dance better than anybody Max knew. Everybody liked Magnus.

He’d set up this part of the plan all on his own, without Izzy even having to help. Much. Okay, she got him the mistletoe and scheduled a convenient work emergency that Max was 90% sure was another girl’s night at Jace’s newish girlfriend’s place, but whatever. This was Max’s plan.

Alec was a little weird and jittery driving Max over, which Max tried to ignore. Instead, he told Alec all of Magnus’s best stories, about how he danced through some pans of paint when he was in high school and how he found a really good Ethiopian place after getting lost one time. It didn’t make Alec any less jittery and weird, but whatever, Magnus was cool and Max was being a _great_ wingman.

When they arrived at the dance studio, Max had to wait for a second. “Alec, you have to sign me in,” he said, knocking on the window. “Come on, it’s cold out.”

“You can’t do it yourself?” Alec asked.

“I’m eleven?” Max replied.

Sighing, Alec pulled himself out of the car. “Okay,” Alec said. “Okay. We can do this. I’ll just make it quick.”

Max frowned at him a little, but the plan was going good so far, so he didn’t complain. He scampered on inside the building ahead of his brother, pulling the little sprig of mistletoe out and peeling off the adhesive. Now came the hard part- he jumped as high as he could to get it on the ceiling. The first few tries were misses, but he finally managed to get the little thing stuck up there. Good.

“Alec?” Max called, walking out to see his brother caught mid-stride hurrying out the door. “Come on, Alec!”

He turned on his heel and waltzed right back into the studio, because he knows and loves his older brother, who will never leave Max hanging. Sure enough, with a deep sigh, Alec follows him into the building, asking, “What, Max?”

“Stay here,” Max said, positioning him under the mistletoe. “I’ll be right back.” He ducked into the studio to see Magnus doing his warm-up stretches. “Magnus!” he said delightedly. “Can you come with me for a few seconds?”

“Sure?” Magnus replied.

Max loved being eleven and angel-faced. It let him get away with so much stuff.

He pulled Magnus out and shoved him bang into Alec, who caught him by the elbows. “Hi,” Magnus said.

“Hi,” Alec replied.

“Mistletoe!” Max shouted.

Flushing deep red, Alec said, “I’m actually- I should, I need to-“ and ran out.

Magnus side-eyed Max. “You’re in cahoots, aren’t you. You are in cahoots with your sister and Clary.”

“That’s Jace’s new girlfriend, right?” Max asked. Magnus nodded. “Yep. We’re cahoots.”

“You’re troublemakers, that’s what you are,” Magnus replied. “Come on, back in you get. We still have an actual class to take. Stop terrorizing your older brother.”

 

Alec’s phone buzzed the next day with a text from Jace. Good. Jace was cool. Jace was normal. Jace was the best adopted brother a man could ask for.

_Why did Clary just tell me to tell you that you’re being a coward?_

Jace was a goddamn traitor. _Tell your girlfriend to get out of my love life, I’m not entirely sure I could pick her out of a crowd._

_We’ll fix that over Christmas. Her family does Hanukkah with one of her friends so she’s doing Christmas at ours, but to the point- why? Are you being a coward?_

_It is not cowardice_. Alec bit his lip. _They’re being pushy._

_They?_

_Izzy and Clary and Max and them._

_You’re just now figuring out that they’re pushy?_

_Oh my God, Jace. They’re trying to set me up with Max’s new dance teacher._

Then the phone went suspiciously quiet for a few minutes. Alec’s stomach began to twist with dread, because with 20/20 hindsight he realized this was exactly the kind of thing Jace would want to get into, because Jace and Clary and Izzy all have the same sense of humor.

His life is a _farce_.

It’s something like four minutes later before Jace texts back. _Holy shit that guy is good-looking. Like, I’m not gay, but goddamn. A man could make an exception._

_Clary might not like that._

_Clary might like that a whole lot._

_That is more than I ever wanted or needed to know about your love life._

_Sucks to suck, bro. Honestly just walk up to him and kiss him or offer to ride his dick I don’t know k good talk_.

Alec couldn’t help but smile fondly at his phone. Even when his family was being a little ridiculous, it was from a place of love. He liked being reminded that he was loved that much. And if that many people thought he should give it a chance…

He was brave enough to look Magnus up on Facebook. That, he could do. Unfortunately, it linked to a YouTube channel of Magnus’s where there were videos of him dancing and Alec accidentally watched all of them.

Maybe he wouldn’t fight this matchmaking anymore. Not that hard, anyway.

 

Izzy was a goddamn _khaleesi_. That was how amazing she was. She deserved, like, a Nobel Peace Prize, or an Emmy, or a really big box of chocolate.

Senator Lightwood threw a big Christmas party for her donors every year, and she had a deal with her children. They showed up and played the role of loving, dutiful children, and in return, they could invite their friends. Izzy had managed to wheedle her mother into allowing Clary, the first _significant other_ to be invited, to bring a few of her friends along so she wouldn’t “feel out of place”.

Clary had, of course, dragged Magnus. Izzy slapped her a discreet high-five when she tugged him inside.

Izzy had a strategy to get through these things. She parked her ass by the buffet table and ate shrimp as toothily as possible to ward off overfriendly privileged white boys and sipped champagne to take the edge off. Happily or unhappily, this afforded her a front-row seat to Magnus and Alec stealing stupid, longing looks at each other from across the ballroom.

They were _literally_ being set up, Izzy thought to herself. Is that not a good sign that the other party is interested? Did she have to do everything herself?

“For the love of-“ Izzy finally snapped as Alec literally retreated when he accidentally edged a little too close to Magnus. She dragged her brother over to Magnus and relieved them both of their phones as they gaped at her, determinedly not looking at each other. “So, Alec, I know your passcode,” Izzy said, rapidly unlocking his phone, “And Magnus! So kind of you to leave it unlocked. I’m sending you each other’s contact info right now, and you two are going to at least have a conversation, because you would be stupidly perfect for each other and need to stop ogling each other across the ballroom. I am out. Merry Christmas, you idiots, this is your present.”

Izzy first tossed Alec his phone, then threw Magnus’s at him. She sloppily saluted the two of them, then bounced off.

The silence she left was deafening.

“I hear you’re into archery,” Magnus said, because he couldn’t think of anything else, “And that you help Max with his homework.”

Alec nodded. “Yeah. And, uh, you like to dance. And you like Ethiopian food.”

“I like _really_ good Ethiopian food. What is your opinion on really good Ethiopian food?” Magnus asked.

A tiny smile started to grow on Alec’s face. “I like it to. Do you, uh, maybe… want to go get some right now? Or something?”

Magnus smiled back. “I think I’d like that very much, Alexander.” He offered Alec his hand, which Alec took, leading Magnus out of the house and down the street. “It’s technically Ethiopian and Italian fusion, but I figure hey, everyone likes Italian…”

 

Izzy and Max, spying unabashedly on the couple from across the ballroom, high fived. “He owes us _forever_ ,” Max said.

“Totally,” Izzy replied. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm i-am-having-an-emotion on tumblr, if you want to cry over malec with me on a bunch of reblogged gifsets


End file.
